Pairing: Kyo x Die
Warnings: AU / R rating
Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own them. Lyrics that are thrown in are copyrighted DIR EN GREY.
A/N: Uh....I don't really know. I've been working on this for months, and I finally got it written.
Summary: "Even just for this moment, please live..."
No matter what Kyo did, he couldn't go back to sleep. It had been weeks, and Die still didn't return any of his calls. And despite all of his efforts, he still couldn't get his mind off of the other male. "Did I really fuck up that much?" he inhaled sharply. The feel of Die's body still lingered on his skin and made his chest ache. Should he even try to call Die? And if he answered, would he even want to talk? It was a horrible situation to be in- he could admit that at least, but he wanted desperately to talk to the other male. Something, anything.
Staring at his screen he mashed the buttons, "I love you." before sending it to the other male. Even though Die had never responded, he would tell him everyday. There was no way now, that he could hide his affections.
"If you're out there, somewhere, smiling, I could die happy..."
5:30 soon rolled to 6, which soon faded until 7- the screeching sound of his alarm filling the air.
It was a relatively normal Monday morning; he woke, dressed and left with no word to Ayame. He was one of the lucky few who didn't have to fight with the subway every morning, so he made his way down the busy street.
Typical Monday with the same old bullshit.
This time, Die wasn't there to help.
Can you hear? My rusty voice cries out to you...
He arrived at work on-time as usual, and began to go through his paperwork in an attempt to find a suitable starting place. "It's going to be a long day..." the blond mumbled to himself as he relaxed down in his seat.
The sudden interruption made his head jolt up, "Yes sir?"
"Tanaka-san would like to see you in his office."
Kyo knitted his eyebrows together, raising up from his seat, "A..ah alright."
The blond made his way down the hallway, ignoring the piercing stare he got from his co-worker.
"Tanaka-san, you wanted to see me?"
The older man cleared his throat, "Yes, take a seat."
"Um, alright." Kyo nervously in one of the small chairs, biting on his bottom lip. It was rare to get called to his office- so this pushed his nerves further on edge.
"I just got off the phone with your wife; she's informed me of your divorce.."
Kyo cut him off, standing to bow, "I'm sorry she called you."
"She's also informed me of your affair with another male."
The blond tensed, "I'm afraid she's just saying that because we're ending things on such a bad note."
"We can't have a person like you heading the department."
"A..person like me?"
"Look," Kyo stood upright, "I don't know what she's told you, but that's not the case. I love this job, I need this job."
The older man grumbled, almost resentfully, "You're fired, remove your things and get off of the premises in an hour. Or I'll have you removed."
Kyo couldn't argue, there was no point. Ayame had ruined him, she had won. Making the solemn trek back to his desk, he retrieved a few items before leaving.
"I don't deserve this...I can't believe she..."
Waves of anger took over his whole body as he walked the streets. There was no way he could go back there, no possible way he could face Ayame; not after the stunt she pulled.
"If I would've held my composure, If I was smarter, I still would've had you now..." Kyo exhaled sharply, just barely reaching his fingers up to the scene in front of him, "Even now, tomorrow is a mystery to me. Where I go, what I do- I'm swept into the tide of the world."
Slowly, his hand fell beside him, "With out you.."
The tears were mixing in with the salty spray that hit his face; his body was filled with the desperation and knowledge that there was nothing he could possibly do anymore. He brought his hand back up practically clawing at the crashing ocean before him.
Swept up, and knocked down, he wanted to be apart of the deep deep blue.
There was nothing but blue. The blue stretch of sky and ocean. There was nothing else. Life was white.
The children running and laughing, the mothers and the daughters, the lovers, the pure...Everything was pure, except for Kyo. Kyo was nothing. Did it even matter now? Kyo was an open wound. Everything hurt all over. He didn't care. It didn't matter. He was miserable, but seeing Die made life bearable and beautiful. Die was the pure white in Kyo's deep deep blue world.
Maybe, prayers weren't enough.
"Kyo..." He spoke sweetly, softly, the familiar voice making the blond shiver. The red-head came up behind him slowly, his hands shoved in his pockets, "It's been a while."
"I know," he looked down, "I meant to call you Kyo, I just had no idea if things would get worse if I did.."
"I'm not." Kyo couldn't help but crack a smile.
"So what does this mean?"
"That night, wasn't a mistake to me. I had wanted that for years, I wanted to feel you close to me..." the blond trailed off. He found that tears were falling again; and his knees began to fail, "Six years and I tried hard to mask everything.."
"Kyo.." Die crooned soothingly, stepping close to the male and pulling him hard against his chest. "
You are weak But stay as you are
That familiar smell of cigarettes and cologne swept over him, making him break down further; his tears burning hot against his pale cheeks. For the first time in weeks, he felt warm and secure; grasping and clutching to the other male as hard as he could. The silver lines of regret that lined his face soon turned cold- Kyo squeezed his eyes tightly shut, gasping, "I love you...I love you....Daisuke.."
"I love you too, Kyo.."
The blond linger, breathing heavily against the other male. He imagined that they would go back home together- and make love. Their hips colliding, lips crashing- with moans of affection dancing through the air. His mind fought over the images- his taut chest and supple lips- those soft words.
When he opened his eyes, Kyo realized he was white knuckling thin air.
The things I can’t forget are too painful
At that point, his love was undeniable. The blue and white of the crashing ocean burned hard into his soul; pulling his phone from his pocket, he mashed once more, "I love you." Before throwing his phone into the sand. Everything was pure, except for Kyo. Kyo was nothing. Did it even matter now? Kyo was an open wound. Everything hurt all over. He didn't care. It didn't matter.
He brought the back of his hand up and wiped the reminants of tears from his face. That deep deep blue, crashed against the shore again and again; taunting him. He was swept up in the tide of the world, with no idea where he was going to go from there.
Leaving his phone behind he shoved his hands into his pockets and walked to where the sea met the sand. The tide pulled back, before crashing forward, soaking the legs of his jeans.
I pray to you
People were starting to stare at Kyo- but he acted like he didn't notice and kept walking forward. The navy blue called to him, and pulled him waist deep.
So the life can’t be saved
Letting his head roll back and stare towards the sky, he lifted his hand towards the burning sun- "Maybe, someday, we'll meet again.." before succumbing, fading beneath the blue and white waves.
deeper deeper deeper I sleep tomorrow